Vixen of the Dead is finally out

 After several long months of work, Vixen of the Dead, my new *Novelette is out.

*Technically this could also be a short story, but is one-thousand words too long. 

So, should you read this? 

Vixen of the Dead is a story about Cyras and her own cousin, the enigmatic Misty. After the Queen Raynfall incident, Cyras is tasked with returning a crystal of emotions back to Misty and breaking her suppressor crystal. However, instead, the so-called Vixen of the Dead chooses to have no emotions. But the reasons why go back to a traumatic past that Cyras must unravel the secrets of. 

Vixen of the Dead is ultimately about self-sacrifice versus authenticity and genuine friendship. The more pleasant interactions between Cyras and Misty go against the backdrop of secrets within the walls of Sheerwalls and a past better forgotten. The story is also about depression, and how we behave in a self-antagonistic way. 

In the scheme of the wider plot of N:Era, Vixen of the Dead serves as a partial catalyst for Cyras' own growth. 

 

 

Vixen of the Dead 

  https://www.deviantart.com/saviorfoxowlis/art/N-Era-Vixen-of-the-Dead-1003760558https://www.deviantart.com/saviorfoxowlis/art/N-Era-Vixen-of-the-Dead-1003760558

N:Era Call of the Wolves part 2 is out! Development thoughts . . .

https://www.deviantart.com/saviorfoxowlis/art/N-Era-Worlds-CotW-P2-The-Rising-Flood-967478167

This is part two of Call of the Wolves. I don't usually editorialize on my own stories for obvious reasons, but this one was severely cut. 

Spoilers:

Originally, they went to the bar, went out damming, went back to the bar to get Bellafauna, and went out damming again. 

I wasn't quite pleased with how placid this chapter felt, however, I wasn't about to add unnecessary battle scenes or any obstacles that wouldn't naturally occur. Outside of restructuring the entire chapter to add in situation, there wasn't much to do. Besides, building up later situations is more important to me anyway, such as Cyras being recognized more often. I also made sure there is a new development or new bit of information each page, so we're finding out more about this very dull and lifeless land. 

On the other end, I was glad to add in some more of the German vibes to this place. Before posting, there was at least one or two hours of me wrassling with Grammarly. And of course, before that is the hours and hours of revising. Between writing and published, 2/3rds of my time on a story will be spent on rewriting. 

Unfortunately, I lost some resources so I am having to rebuild my own writer's checklist so I can make sure I maintain a quality that I deem acceptable for my stories and for my readers. 

My favorite part was making some of the jokes at the bar, such as Cyras slapping and whapping Ahmond and poking her in the eye. 

Hopefully you have some joy in reading this. Thank you.

https://www.deviantart.com/saviorfoxowlis/art/N-Era-Worlds-CotW-P2-The-Rising-Flood-967478167 https://www.deviantart.com/saviorfoxowlis/art/N-Era-Worlds-CotW-P2-The-Rising-Flood-967478167

No N:Era In a While, What's Up?

I feel like, with the rate I've been on, having a new N:Era should be possible by now, but uh, that hasn't happened yet. I've only now gotten to a halfway point with Glory to the Strong/Call of the Wolves/A Glacialane Story. 

A lot of times, the reason this happens is, I write lots of subplots and miniplots. Those are basically the same thing for those of you who are wondering, but my personal definition of either is: 

A subplot is sorta more a story that goes on with the main story, at least for a while. In some cases, even beyond the main plot, as the character transformed by the main plot may end up solving a subplot. Like, literally every character story in Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. 

A miniplot to me is more continuous and is several stretches of scenes only somewhat broken up. Like the polymorph potion in Harry Potter.. 

And a sideplot is just a story B as in sitcoms. 

Anyway, uh, so does this mean I need four more months to finish this? No. I'll probably be finished shortly, I just tend to not focus then write in bursts. 

So yeah. 

Anyway, I tend to put in lots of subplots to the point where the actual main plot can get somewhat lost. There's usually an event I like to anchor onto, like Cyras' birthday party, or a train trip to Rosaberg, but everything beyond that is a whole bunch of events mingled with one another. 

In a way, I don't really have miniplots or subplots. I just have stories with several plots. The real unification is about the theme, and the theme for this story is essentially Misery. What causes that. Cyras deals with Misery for having lost a family member, meanwhile Queen Raynfall inflicts misery to her own kingdom. 

There's still a couple of short stories that bridge the gaps between N:Era and N:Era World, and all I have to do is revise "Liberty of Fangs." So I feel like that's gonna be in April. But I have something very special for the start of the month.

 

 

N:Era Fun Trivias

This is just some random stuff to note about N:Era with Flowers. So two of the characters are actively named after flowers, those being Rosod (Rose) and Lilu (lilies). Every character's name is a corruption of something from nature. A couple of Ascended usually have names that are "Human-like". Owlis is pronounced as "Alice" and Cyras is pronounced as "Cyras'". Ryvoh is River.

"The younger fox sat at the entrance hole and bristled her fur. A field of tulips laid to her left." - Tulips actually symbolize the beginning of love. Roses are representations of true love, and notably, at the end, Cyras receives Summer Roses. So she has associations with white flowers. Yes, I know this symbology is obscure, but I felt like I should finally mention that.

-While Owlis is called Cyras' cousin, they're first cousin's once removed. Cyras' mother Sumhyr is Owlis' cousin because they share a grandmother (Who is unnamed so far or potentially "Time", but I won't spoil. For further purposes, she will be called One Foxy Mama). The child of your cousin is your cousin once removed.

-Kryyk and Cyras are also cousins once removed. Kryyk is the little brother of Ryvoh, meaning Kryyk is actual Owlis' cousin.

-Now if Kryyk was Ryvoh's son instead of brother, then technically Kryyk and Cyras would be 2nd cousins, as they both share the same great-grandparent (One Foxy Mama).

-Wysdom is about 1.2 million square miles and mostly lost land due to the relinquishing, therefore Wysdom is bigger than the Holy Roman Empire and the Byzantine Empire.

-"The pond was secluded with no one near except for some fish. Lilies and poppies that filtered water quality and added some privacy. Good, Cyras was hungry. She lapped up some water before she jumped and immersed herself.



Smirking at one fish, a quite big goldfish, she blasted jets of flames from her paws. The steam-powered fox spiraled around, bit, and flew out."

Alright, so essentially, lilies and poppies help filter out chemicals from water, making that water better to drink. Since this is Owlis' private garden, that's a sign of how Owlis filters her own ponds.

Also, Cyras being able to flame around underwater isn't impossible. Underwater flames are a result of flames receiving oxygen. Water doesn't beat flames, water smothers flames. But if the flame has a source, the flame is gonna burn.

Ironically, later on in the series, Cyras can't escape ice shackles because the fire needs some time to melt the ice. So fire sorta beats ice in the same way water sorta beats fire.

Anyway, I just thought this was cool stuff I never talked about, right.

Some Tips for Poetry

I enjoy reading poetry, because I feel like poetry, like writing, really gets out a mood. Better, poetry allows you to access a feeling and extract the pure essence without the set up. You can get to the meat of the point. 

Poetry doesn't have to be deep, or about war, or hatred, or some other insane principles. Poetry can, and has been, about walks late at night, autumn days. In fact, some of the most popular poems were about exactly that, especially ones from Romanticism. 

I tend to think that a lot of people have this idea that poems are inherently pretentious or overwritten. This isn't true, and is a bit of an immature viewpoint on a literary art. Though in all fairness, they may have seen some more amateur poems.

Usually the problem with people's character "themes" or poems, is that they don't know what a poem is. A poem is not writing down pretty stuff, hoping that that works. Poems have a very specific standard of writing. Here's some tips to get started.

Let's start off with the technicals. 

Meter

So last night I wrote up a poem spontaneously, and here's what we got: 

(Cyras and Rosod:

Trifling and Shifting

Like a potato thrown around

Your blame is cast upon myself

And yet you take part of the piece

How could I ever bear the brunt

Of something I never had

And how could I lose

You who I never had) 

This is, not a very good poem.

There's not really a rhythm or flow here yet. When read, this reads like: 

 

Trifling and Shifting

Like a potato thrown around

Your blame is cast upon myself

And yet you take part of the piece

So there's nothing intrinsically wrong with whacky beat from time to time, but this stumbles. You can't really sing with this, or recite this without sounding awkward.

Poems usually have a beat, a rhythm. This is achieved by feet. A foot is a series of stress and unstressed syllables. Here are a few examples.

Iambs are unstressed and stressed. These are associated with the beating of a heart. Pre-SENT. 

Trochees are stressed, then unstressed. PRE-sent. Trochees are usually known as feminine versus masculine Iambs.

Anapest: An anapest is two unstressed syllables and one stressed syllable. 

"Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;"

Question from @KIERAL.

Do you spend a while being picky or do the words kinda just come naturally sometimes? When you're like, not improvising I mean

Self: 

Yes to both tbh.

A lot of times I have to be very picky, but you naturally speak in Iambic pattern so sometimes you can just belt a line.

Like uh, "how dare you fucking rip my soul apart." Iambic Pentameter line right there.

Question:

Wow

That's actually pretty cool.

 

Self

Yeah so you can just belch out phrases. I might put that in examples.

 

A series of feet is what makes a poem. Iambic Pentameter is a series of five iambs, or five unstressed and stressed syllables.

An Irish Airman foresees his Death

By W.B. Yeats

I know that I shall meet my fate

Somewhere among the clouds above;

Those that I fight I do not hate, 

Those that I guard I do not love; 

My country is Kiltartan Cross,

My countrymen Kiltartan’s poor,

No likely end could bring them loss

Or leave them happier than before.

Nor law, nor duty bade me fight,

Nor public men, nor cheering crowds,

A lonely impulse of delight

Drove to this tumult in the clouds;

I balanced all, brought all to mind,

The years to come seemed waste of breath,

A waste of breath the years behind

In balance with this life, this death.

With four iambs in each line, this is iambic tetrameter. That word tetrameter means four feet of iambs. So each line is ba-BUM ba-BUM ba-BUM ba-BUM.

But wait, "a lonely impulse of delight" isn't in Iambs. We have an iamb (a lone), an iamb ("ly im"), then a phyrric ("pulse of") and finally, another iamb (delight).

The simple explanation is that you don't have to put everything in complete meter all the time, and doing so can even make a poem seem sing-song or seuss-like (A good thing if you're going for that). A lot of times, you can mix with the beat. 

In this example, there's almost a sighing breath when you say the line. There's three unnaccented syllables in a row, as he remembers pleasantly how he had fun joining.

Antigonish [I met a man who wasn’t there]

Hughes Mearns

  

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away…

Even read in monotone there's still power.

Now free verse is an acceptable method of writing. That's where instead of worrying about beat, you just start writing, but even then, without a rhythm, the poem will sound like verbal garbage.

Meaning

Poems usually have a deeper meaning. Instead of saying something directly, a poem is more like trying to emote something through words. Like trying to explain a concept to someone who's never heard that before, and trying to emphathize with someone who knows all too well at the same time.

"Darkness Pays Orr A Visit" (A Guild Wars 2 Poem).

Darkness pays Orr a visit.

With billowing robes of blackened silk,

She beckons us, arms outstretched.

I see my brothers walk forward, greet her as a friend.

So many fold themselves into her embrace.

And even over their cries, and the roars of the beasts,

I hear Darkness call to me with a promise.

But I close myself. I will not join her yet.

Another call is more beautiful,

And I will chase it back to you.

So there's no traditional meter here (in fact this does actually sound like verbal garbage when reading imo) but there is meaning. Without knowing the game, you get the idea this is a war, and the brothers are armymen all falling to their deaths and a man who refuses for a lover.

Now here's Break the Chain, from Fleetwood Mac.

Listen to the wind blow (btw, double stress is a spondee.)

Watch the sun rise

Running in the shadows

Damn your love damn your lies

 

And if you don't love me now

You will never love me again

I can still hear you saying 

You would never break the chain

Now they could just say: "I'm staying for the band." 

Instead however, the wind blowing and sun rising implies a more subtle and still atmosphere, however running in the shadows means moving around without speaking. Then finally, there's a snap with the "damn your love, damn your lies."

The deeper meaning is "screw you for being a bad husband, also, I'm only staying with you because of the band." The band is referred to as a chain. Chains link, but at the same time, they are also cold, hard, and metal.

Poetry is often about indirectly saying something that cannot be said straightaway. When writing a poem, think about how you can say this without just putting down "I'm sad because I ran out of cake."

Imagery: 

Another winter in a summer's town.

Another winter
The renters go home
The maple goes from crimson to brown
Oh God
My God
Another winter
In a summer town

You can hear the "oh god, my god" as interrupters with how short they are. They give a clear desperation, while we get the idea of the trees slowly dying. 

A winter in a summer's town sounds unfathomable. Basically saying even a town that's warm and pleasant ends up falling in ice, and... with time.

The beach is empty
They cover the pools
The patio umbrellas come down
Oh God
My God
Another winter
In a summer town

This goes more about the idea of everybody leaving. The winter is metaphorical and physical, meaning how now poverty is entering the area. The beach is empty, as in there's no tourists. The pools are covered as nobody is swimming in winter.

One little leaf adrift in the breeze
Refuses to fall from the sky
Blown by the wind, it clings to the trees
Unwilling to wither and die
The summer’s over
But I’m still a girl
Cavorting in my carnival crown
From blossom to blossom, I buzz like a bee
Then glance in the mirror, and who do I see?
A middle aged woman inhabiting me
Because it’s winter
In a summer town

"One little leaf adrift in the breeze," is a sign of hope. We go down towards the girl in her "carnival crown". She's still dressing like she's young, but as soon as she glances in the mirror she sees the truth, a middle aged woman.

The imagery is heavy, going with flowers as a person withering. The seasons alter as does the wealth of a person who was at top of the money game. 

When writing a poem, think about what makes for a much stronger image. Poems force you into the present, into that moment. 

In Summary

 Let's look at the Raven. 

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door—
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door—
               Only this and nothing more."

The final line is only 4 stresses, but the rest have 8 stresses. 

We have strong imagery (midnight, tapping, forgotten lore). 

We have strong depth (forgotten lore being a symbol for sense, someone close to sleeping like they're stuck in an eternal dream.) 

We have rhythm. 

I don't think these are the only three elements that make a poem, but they are amongst the most important.

 

 

Rants about Worldbuilding

 

 

 

Who cares?

That was my main thought while reading this. I see a lot of worldbuilding articles who do checklists saying, "how's your world do this or that?" Who knows, who cares, who wants to care.

"How do they get their water?" Well, I had assumed from their planet.

"What do they eat?" Food, usually.

"How do they transport resources?" Maybe they don't, they just sit and eat.

Anyway, so I'm just gonna tell you what I think. The best way to fulfill your questions is to have a world the people like to live in.

These people care about art. Your peoples care about their traditions, even if they hate said traditions. People care about politics.

I very rarely sit down and ask questions, but here's what we know about Wysdom (Empire of N:Era):

Transportation.

-Teleportation is a method of transport. Particularly from Sunnyvilla, Sandrun, and Luxworth to Sumhyr's Meadow. However, teleportation is very specific and has to be maintained by coders.

-Trains are a more common method of transport of peoples and perhaps supplies, meaning that trains are easier to move around and require less maintenance.

-That ain't even getting on about boats.

I answered all of those questions without ever even asking them. I just did what I thought was a good and asked how people worked.

About cultural festivities, we know they celebrate birthdays. Perhaps in a later story, two characters will get married and we'll see a marriage ceremony. Do we need to know how marriage works in this world right now? No. There's nothing of value. I really doubt anyone's gonna go at the end of Fangs of Liberty, "Hm, but what about marriage?" I'll answer All Lover's Day in my comic, where we see the girls already have different opinions - some are more dismissive than others.

If you wanna answer how toy production in your world works, go ahead. But don't just randomly start ranting about, "In those days, those distant days, in those nights, those ancient nights, we just threw play-doh at kids."

I guess, basically, if you're asking about the trade routes of your story, you should be asking about your characters going through those trade routes.

Maybe characters need to sneak into a forbidden kingdom. Then they might figure out that hunters usually operate just slightly beyond, and so characters lay down in a blanketed wagon right next a butchered deer.

Maybe a character comes from another culture. Not necessarily country. They might even come from around the block.

Have a character who goes to school.

Diversity really helps here. Characters who are different ages helps you figure out how each of those ages interplay with each other. Characters of different professions. Actually, not all your characters are just adventurers, what are their professions, what are their hobbies?

Worldbuilding, Character, Plot, all interplay. If you want a good worldbuilding, you need to have characters who want to be in that world and a plot who explores that world.

Sometimes good worldbuilding can also come from you having to figure out a plot issue. Perhaps your world has clerics but you don't want someone healing from injuries. Maybe bring up how as healing is from the gods, maybe sometimes the gods want someone to peacefully die, or have determined this is that person's last day. And then you can talk about whether that cleric can peacefully accept this, knowing that is their deity's will, or maybe they proclaim that to be bull-ish, and start praying to another god just so they can bring their friend back.

Maybe you realize that during a feast scene, they're clearly eating meat but all your characters are literally rabbits and foxes and hyenas and wolves. Who's lunch? Maybe birds or fish are allowed on the menu or some other beings that have no sentience. Maybe the rabbits are like halflings from Dark Sun and they're just freakin' cannibals.

Maybe instead of killing off the villain, you can use him later, and also simultaneously explore the justice system.

I started off by asking "who cares"? Well... really... who cares?

Next: An intro to trade... maybe. I dunno.

Owlis' Imperial Library: Magic the Gathering: The Oracle of Ephara

So I like the lore of Magic the Gathering. The story has several planes, all with their own logics, physics, and creatures. However, the actual writing is pretty hit or miss for me. A lot of this comes from the fact they appeal to a literary style, and also the arc-based series have different writers per part. This would make sense if there's a team effort, but I swear they're like animators - they just say "here's this scene" and get working.

 

Instead of being biased, I'm gonna approach this one piece I've found called "The Oracle of Ephara". I'm gonna analyze the prose and the structure. I've only skimmed the start and end of the story.

 

"Iris, the Oracle of Ephara, leaned forward in the wooden armchair and carefully probed the small side table until her fingertips touched the clay drinking vessel. She gingerly lifted the cup to her mouth, a thin stain of purple remaining on her lips as she tentatively placed the cup back on the table."

 

Okay so this is our start. I hate this opening paragraph, as this doesn't establish any situation, just that she's at an armchair. I know a lot of writers who speak a lot and say little. Like, the clay drinking vessel? You mean... a cup? And speaking of which, look at how awkward that last sentence is. Using the same words twice in a paragraph evokes the same stumbling  as forgetting the last step of stairs. And the process of the cup is so intricately explained without merit. Yes, she puts the cup back on the nightstand, I get that. Personally, I just take a sip, before pouring on the nearest cat I see.

""I do not want to run and hide like a fawn," she said. "If we are to avoid war with those who have sided with the other gods, then I must be here to interrogate captives. You know my gift of foresight only comes from a touch. I cannot be of help if I am hiding far away.""

Okay, why is she explaining something the other person apparently knows?

""The enemies' agents have infiltrated the city," said Perisophia, the current head of the ruling council of philosophers known as the Twelve. The Twelve were arrayed in a circle in the center of the great hall of governance. Iris could hear their voices echo off of the massive marble pillars that stretched to the dome far above their heads.

"If you are captured or killed," Perisophia continued, "then you will be of no help to Meletis or Ephara. If we are to avoid open conflict among humankind, we must also prevent the renegade factions loyal to Purphoros from provoking it. We have conferred with the Temple and agreed that you will be moved to the garrison at Soli, where you will be safe until we call for you. The decision is final.""

Okay this is establishing where we're at. This must be a city meeting, and there's religious war ensuing. I'm not entirely sure who Ephara is, but obviously that's the person Iris is oracling for. That's the external part of the story, but they also establish the internal struggle, which is that Iris wants a fight, but cannot because she's so important.

From here on out, I'm only gonna summarize instead of posting many full passages. This is because, for one, you can read the story yourself, but also because that would take hours. Iris will be escorted by a singular guard to the garrison. After questioning Perisophia, she says the guard will be special. These stories include images, and they show this man as the guard for Iris.

Akroan Skyguard | Art by Mark Winters

Alexio the Skyknight. Meletis is the name of the city by the way. Iris promptly begins rubbing him all over the body with a startling lack of consent before she gets a vision.

" It was more like a feeling, like being in Alexio's dream and feeling the same emotions as he. He was in love with her. Not now, of course, for they had just met, but sometime in the future. And she felt him being taken from her, and his sadness, and then his nothingness.

The thought repulsed her. Not because he was repulsive, but because she knew how it would end. He was an exalted soldier of the polis and she was a blind oracle of Ephara. Never in a thousand years could they be together. If his love for her would kill him, then she must prevent it."

We now have another internal conflict by the fact she must protect Alexio. Kinda seems like a suicide angle with the idea of he's taken away, he grows regret, and then there's nothingness.

"Perisophia let go of Iris's hand as Alexio led her horse away, through the city, out the stone gates and onto the road south. They avoided the highway, taking instead the smaller, more ancient path through the forest. By the end of the day, they would be at the foot of the mountains they would have to cross in order to reach the garrison."

Forest | Art by Adam Paquette

What is so weird and I still haven't gotten over is how they described the mere act of picking up a cup, but when they enter the forest primeval, nothing.

Both talk as Iris mentions being abandoned by the gods who are now uncaring.

""Many believe that soldiers are born for battle," Alexio said. "But it is not always the truth. I would give anything to avoid war. I would rather converse with you by the fire, goblet in hand, than die on a battlefield for gods' own reasons."

 

"Does not your training teach you that you are already dead?" she said coldly in an effort to keep her emotional distance. "That is how a soldier must wake up every morning—with the certainty that his life has already been sacrificed.""

Iris' emotions feel much more real, she's fencing herself off so she can't hurt someone. On the inverse, Alexio is already on the smoochy smoochy. Alexio goes scouting ahead.

She spurred her horse into a trot, feeling relief in the freedom from the city, from the oppressive magnitude of the government and its imposing stone, its formal customs and grave responsibilities. She quickly offered a prayer for safety and encouraged her horse into a gallop that it was eager to oblige.

 

The warm wind of the afternoon whipped her cloak and peppered her face. She actually laughed for the first time in ages, holding the reins loosely in one hand and gripping the pommel of the saddle in the other. The landscape of her mind flew by. She could hear the trees pass on either side. Everything felt gloriously out of control. It was the first time she had been alone without an escort or handler in ages.

 

"Iris!" she heard Alexio shout from somewhere above. Before she even had the chance to rein in her horse, Alexio's powerful arms swept her out of the saddle and carried her through the air before roughly depositing her onto the grass. She heard her horse neigh violently and cry out. She heard the ringing of Alexio's sword as it left the scabbard and the shouts of two other men as they were cut down by his blade, one of them putting up a fight, sword to sword, before being silenced. Quiet returned to the world, except the labored breathing of her horse some distance away.

Well that was alarmingly quick. The brief bit of almost whimsy writing had some good, but wow Alexio just grabbed her.

Anyway, Alexio saw two highwaymen who were actually servants of Purphoros. They tripped up the horse with wire, breaking the leg, so they walk on foot. Iris curses herself for getting caught up in her own thoughts.

""It is not true, Iris," he replied, squeezing her hand so gently she wasn't sure it was even intentional. "You were only enjoying a fleeting moment of freedom that most people take for granted their entire lives. Not only do I not blame you, I respect you all the more for it. Your life is not so different from mine, always in service to Meletis, never to ourselves.""

A theme here seems to be responsibility. I'm getting a strong impression of how Iris is just insanely coddled in her life because of her blindness and importance. Iris soon tells him how she doesn't need him leading her the entire time, nor does she need him flying her away.

A Purphoros commander figures out where Iris has been, giving a sense of urgency of the plot as the enemy is on top of them.

"By the time full daylight filtered down through the trees, they had reached the foothills of the mountains. They had already travelled many miles, Iris, again, refusing to be carried aloft in the arms of Alexio. He led her off the path to the base of a large tree, where he bade her to sit and eat while he went to look for a mount. She was grateful for the rest. Spending most of her time in the luxuries of Ephara's Temple, she was not used to this much travelling.

 

Leaning against the moss-covered trunk of the tree in a beam of sunlight with food in her belly, she could not help but to drift off to the dream world for a moment.

 

She awoke to the sounds of a horse whinnying and the deep beating of large wings. She could also hear Alexio's smaller wings beating down to the ground nearby. She recognized the particular quality and cadence of the way he landed, but she did not recognize the other set of wings. The sunbeam was gone, and in its place a cold shadow lay across her body. She could smell moisture in the air. (Clever, smelling moisture.)"

The poetic writing actually works sometimes. This is occasionally awkward in my opinion (They had is said twice in the first paragraph, and travelling is said twice, also the middle paragraph is really long,), but in some cases, the idea shows through.

Loyal Pegasus | Art by John Severin Brassell

The fantasy art is pretty epic a lot of the time. I also think the writing portrays the lack of sense fairly interestingly, not focusing on the sights but on the sounds. A lot of people don't realize they write in third person limited perspective, which is written like both first and third person. You use "Cyras ran down the stairs", but by Cyras' own perspective.

Iris has fun getting on a flying horse and asks Alexio what the scenery looks like. Soon rainfall comes and washes over, so they retire.

Meanwhile the commander, with a magic goblet, sees where Alexio and Iris are at.

""Lady Iris," he said after a drink, "I am glad you talked me into stopping. Seeing you glow in the firelight, warm and dry, is a beautiful contrast to the weather outside. Let's enjoy one more night of freedom before we must resume your duties."(...)

" In that moment, she realized that her vision of his fate was incomplete. She had seen him fall in love with her, and be taken away, but she had not seen her part in the prophecy. Had the gods decreed this, or could her own actions change the future? What if they could be together, flying free over the world? Perhaps if she loved him back, she could change his fate—and he, hers. 

 

She tilted her head toward him and parted her lips. No, she thought, this cannot be. But the aching inside her pushed its way out. Before she could control herself, she felt his lips touch hers. He wrapped her in his strong arms and laid her down on the blanket next to the fire."

For two people who just met they are getting freaky pretty quickly, so maybe they just fall in love easily.

"Eventually, she fell asleep in his arms, wrapped in a warm blanket by a gently crackling fire, a smile on her face and a warm glow in her belly. In the moment, right before the dream world took her, she felt happier and freer than she had ever been, or thought possible."

Well the word "warm" comes up twice.

They awaken with the sound of invaders. Alexio tells her she must go.

""I won't leave you," Iris replied, desperately, the horrible thought sinking in that she was completely helpless.

Another arrow twanged through the cavern, this time finding its mark. Iris shuddered as she heard the shaft sink into something soft. Alexio grunted and continued to struggle in the spider's web.

"Take my hand," she cried, reaching out into the dark, touching nothing.

"I have cleared the web. Your mount knows where to go." His voice quivered, he gasped.

"Please," she cried. The pegasus shifted forward nervously, barely able to hold back.

"Fly," he shouted, slapping the pegasus's (Pegasus' is proper. Technically pegasus's is fine, but if the word ends with an s, we just add an apostrophe) rump with the flat of his sword. (Low-key perspective swap. To fit more in with her perspective, something like, "'Fly,' he shouted, as Iris heard a slap on the horse's rump from a metal sword," may be more advisable.)

The pegasus took a mighty leap across the cave entrance. Iris could feel the temperature and pressure change as they crossed the threshold of the cave. With a massive beat of wings they were airborne into the rainy sky."

And now both Iris and Alexio are separate.

"For the first time in her life, she had tasted love. For the first time in her life she had experienced enough freedom to even hope for love, and Alexio was dying for that love. If she returned to her old life, to grow old and die in servitude, his death would be for nothing.

 

She turned her mount, not toward the garrison at Soli or toward Meletis, but westward into the unknown. The Oracle of Ephara flew blindly through the rain toward freedom, unseeing and alone, as she had always truly been."

And that's the end of the movie.

So most of this story centers on Iris, a girl who feels mostly alone in her life. I feel like if I cover another Magic story, I won't go passage by passage.

I do like how they played around with the idea of blindness, but the romance unfolds so quickly as does the idea of fate. Like, she couldn't have met this guard prior, instead Alexio has to be someone she just met. Some working around like him being an old college buddy would work (yes that's partly a joke but also partly for real).

Unfortunately, despite an actually pretty awesome sequel hook, there's no sequel I can find so far.

Star Ratings:

4/10

Not really impressive overall. The writing reeks of fanfic-level, though upper echelon when someone's learned a few things, but still doesn't have a real grasp of fundamentals. The actual technical parts are overblown or awkward. There's some cleverness in the idea of working with a blind oracle, but they don't even follow through with that as there's a couple of passages that require sight - presumably from Alexio's perspective or they lean in that third person omniscient? 

 

I can name a few minor alterations I would have made, and plenty of major alterations as well. And even some middle-alterations. 

 

Overall, this is amateurish. And as we all know, ish means shit. 

 

Plenty of potential, mostly wasted. This is not deserving of a spot in Owlis' Library.