Cut Scenes of N:Era

I found out N:Era turned over two years old about sixteen days ago. That's sorta weird to think about in my opinion. 

N:Era was never meant to be a main project of mine, but a side project. There were four major projects when I was creating the worlds of Voto and Vytyl that I was set to focus on and N:Era was the sloppy fourth.

So N:Era was not the beloved child initially. 

That doesn't mean I hated the series, just this wasn't my main priority. The series had one initial doc that I think I shared. Then I eventually wrote up another beginning, that had similar vibes. The actual opening opening never shifted - the goal was the girls went into the wilds, met Cyras, fought, and Cyras left the wilds to join them. 

There's lots and lots of content I cut. 

Let's talk about a few: Ryvoh and Kryyk were meant to juxtapose Cyras and... Sohn!? 

Yes, Cyras was meant to have an older brother known as Sohn. The only thing I can remember about him is that there was this scene where Cyras walked through a raining forest, and finally came home crying (in this version of the world, dires could cry tears, not just suffer and whimper), and Sohn comforted her. Eventually his name became Dryft. He was meant to date Ryvoh, but when Ryvoh and Cyras became family members, this definitely had to be cut. 

I actually am way happier now that the boy got cut. He wasn't doing really anything for progression and never even got into any official drafts. I never even wrote a single word about him until now and in some personal chats with Kieral. 

"Cyras' mom was taken over by an evil spirit". 

Originally, Cyras' mom would have been introduced as some other fox who had taken over her spirit and that's why she was missing. However, I've pretty much veered into Sumhyr herself being a major antagonist in her own right, and that she is now the evil spirit. 

Well, technically, she's a rebel. We know she fought against Owlis. Whether she's evil or not really matters on whether we could or should trust Owlis over her. 

"Many N:Era Students". 

I actually varied a lot how I was gonna present N:Era. I think I was watching a few "academy" style shows. (I think Skylander's academy sucks, but isn't a terrible premise). Academy style shows tend to have natural ways of showing worldbuilding, while also talking about a relatable experience in almost everyone's life. Adults get nostalgic, teenagers feel related, and uh, well, there's a strict sense of structure. 

But basically, there was one idea that N:Era was going to have several different teams, and I wasn't sure what Team N:Era's official name would be. 

I actually don't think I'm ditching the academy entirely yet, just that the N:Era girls are clearly the pioneers. 

"The Three Teachers: Mosor, Vanos, and Ahmond". 

Mosor, Vanos, and Ahmond, each have unique abilities. They were meant to be teachers in N:Era, even Ahmond, who was supposed to be the leader. In fact, I still theorize she actually is officially as Owlis recruited her first, then the others. But, she just has no actual push with characters like Cyras and Lilu and Rosod. However, more ironically, she does get stuff rolling in story 2. 

That was still in Call of the Wild in one scene I'm pretty sure. I guess Owlis just dumped the idea after story 2? 

"Rosod In the Wilds".

Rosod was meant to join Lilu and Ahmond in the wilds with Cyras. This was eventually cut out after a few drafts as she never truly helped the girls. She didn't add anything. Plus, I feel like the idea of Cyras beating up all three of them is a bit ridiculous. 

Not that Cyras isn't more competent than all of them, just that, Rosod could put an okay fight, Lilu could put somewhat of a fight, and so I feel like all-together, the three of them could probably best Cyras. 

"Cyras and Lilu's Game" 

What's weird is there's one draft where Cyras and Lilu were supposed to actually play in the forest together and become friends. The reason I cut this out is because, well, I don't really know. I kinda wonder why I didn't keep the scene. 

Maybe because I felt this was weird for Ryvoh to let them play together. Yeah. But she still let Cyras guard them, and Kryyk wasn't around, so maybe Cyras was more trusted? If that sounds like I'm full of something, I will refer you to "Liberty of Fangs" coming out soon because there are many good reasons to believe that Cyras would be a trustworthy guard. 

"Portals and Blushing". 

Weird, but basically, there's one scene that got cut out where the "flashes of light" throughout Call of the Wild are explained as flashes of a portal. Cyras is shocked to hear this in "Where We Lie" (then Summer Solstice) and Lilu says, "Uh, didn't you know that?" 

Cyras blushes.

She just never thought about things too much. 

I remember the blush part because I try to limit the amounts of blushing. Anyway, that's all. Thanks. I'll probably have more cut content talks later. 

And I'm a fairly complex writer. I mean, almost each story has several different plots all leading up to one thing. Call of the Wild is about both Cyras growing accustomed to living in society, while Lilu is trying to deal with her mom, while there's a card game tournament, while Owlis is trying to get Cyras, while Cyras and Lilu argue. 

Anyway, LAter.

Previewing MLP Gen 5: Should We Watch This?

 My Little Pony Generation Five, a continuation of My Little Pony G4. Trying to capitalize off the success of a previous series seems inevitable, but usually this ends in complete disaster. However, can this be done well? Here's stuff I'm optimistic about . . . and pessimistic about. 

Optimistic Part 1: Scenery 

Honestly, I would watch this show just for the art, my pagan god is this good. 

That's just one of the main locations, and apparently is where Unicorns live. This is just covered in fruity colors, and has a generally red-purplish atmosphere kinda like Twilight Sparkle. Also I love the thought that Twilight's treehouses have just become unicorn aesthetic.

I mean there's so much character and charm already. The places looks beautiful, and inspires lots of interest. Especially with how advanced the lighting is. 

That's Maretime Bay where all of the Earth Ponies normally live. Instead of the mystical forest, or even elf-like vibes, this place has sorta a sunny and industrial aesthetic, with tall buildings, and more pastel colors versus the fruitier tones.  Everything here looks clean, and neat.

And that's Zephyr heights, and that seems more gold and blue. The buildings are higher up, and there's a lot of bridges. Here's the pegasi. Sorta similar to Maretime Bay, but still way different as well.This place offers depth and feeling.

Honestly, the only places in MLP that stood out were, well, the Everfree Forest. Even Manehattan wasn't quite this impressive visually. In fact, Kie and I kinda have a review making fun of the aesthetic of Griffonstone coming up...

(I always thought that place should be Griffony.) 

ABSOLUTELY ABOMINABLE #1: The Heroes Lost

Small spoiler, but basically, the whole world is a post-apocalypse where the world forgot Twilight and all her friendship lessons and now all the ponies are split up by three races. And from what I perused, apparently the reason why they've split is a unicorn harmed an earth pony and so everyone bailed, feeling safer amongst their own kind?

What happens when one of those earth ponies harms another earth pony? Will they split up based on warm versus cool colors?

That's not unreasonable for an EPISODE of Generation 4, but as a set-up for an entire Generation? I can't really buy this. I can understand if they all just sorta forgot or there were major wars. Maybe there's more explanation. But like, wow. 

Optimistic Part 2: Unique!

The show seems to be trying to be their own thing. From the summaries I read, instead of doing a rehash of learning about friendship, everybody is trying their damndest to have a plot. There's an overarcing storyline. Not that MLP has ever done storylines well, but perhaps if that's just ingrained, this can work. 

While Generation 4 is a backdrop, and there are some elements that don't make sense (No joke, Noah and I laughed aloud when we read that Queen Opaline is listed as "Queen (Somehow)" on the wiki), they seem to be going for their own vibe and energy. 

They're not trying to be G4, at least, not fully.

ABSOLUTELY ABOMINABLE PART 2: Too Many Good Characters In Last Series

The show has to get out of the rut of being Gen 4 part 2. They have five characters, and I don't really know how they'll create them. 

Here's the thing: They're gonna get compared to the mane six. If they're at all similar to any of the characters, then that's the end. Okay, so they can't be similar to the mane six, or the student six, or the CMC. Okay, that's only 15 characters- or Spike - okay that's 15.5 characters. 

And then, amongst all of that, they need to have their own characterizations that let them carry an episode, and enable them to share an episode with others. 

Gen 4 had a great chemistry between the characters, even between each character. Pinkie and Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity, Twilight Sparkle and Applejack. 

I told Noah, jokingly, I wonder if they only have five ponies in their main cast to avoid having an Applejack in their crew. 

Optimistic Part 3: Modern

The show features a more modern setting. About time. Not every series needs a vaguely past-centric theme, and we can talk about stuff like cellular phones. This really doesn't push me off as much as people think, as I figure this is the natural evolution of pony.

ABSOLUTELY ABOMINABLE PART 3: Modern

The show features a more modern setting with cellphones and booty-shaking. 

There's at least one character who seems like she's gonna get dated pretty quickly as she takes selfies and asks for likes on social media.

But honestly, I'm pretty neutral on this point because I'm interested in how this'll be handled. I think a lot of the best shows avoid modern technology like the plague. Spongebob Squarepants only had one computer shown over the course of three years. Selfies aren't plots. They're fads. 

And sure, one character might get quickly dated, but she might also end up being that joke character everyone loves after her initial transgression. And maybe she's not even that obnoxious. 

But you would imagine that, this far into the future, they'd be way more advanced. Then again, there was apocalypse after all. 

Optimistic Part 4: They Got Jobs Tho

The cast actually seems reasonably diverse. Sunny loves scooting around on rollerskates - I'm not gonna lie I was like "Scootaloo?" She also runs a smoothie shop. One character is a sheriff and a MALE. 

I didn't really care that none of the mane six were male. However, this is interesting because this shows they're more openly acknowledging they'll have a male fanbase at the start. Will this alter anything? Maybe.

Anyway, Hitch Trailblazer the sheriff, is apparently the guardian who is fierce but sometimes arrogant. I guess he'll be kinda like Squidward with the self-importance of a Spongebob or a Mr. Krabs. He might be the more Applejack like characters, as in responsible, but mix in traits of Sparkle. 

Sunny, well she's the main character, she doesn't need a personality. And that's good, because she doesn't. I think she makes smoothies.

Pipp Petals is apparently some kind of ditzy social media influencer and pop singer.

Izzy is a, uh, boring sack of lavander. She's like, stupid, naive, and likes to recycle materials. She looks like a hippie. 

And Zipp Storm is Pipp's sister - so we already have a relationship between the characters. Apparently she's athletic and arrogant (oh no, Rainbow Dash) but also intellectually curious (huh). So maybe she's got that Plato Greecian sorta "strong and wise". She's also got some stealth. So fighter-mage-thief. 

But what's really good is they do have jobs, and they do have lives. I see so many series where coincidentally, none of the main characters have lives and can go gallivanting. Here, they have actual struggles.

ABSOLUTELY ABOMINABLE #4 They Still Suck

A social, media, influencer tho. And a couple of them, like Sunny, or Izzy, literally have like a paragraph on the wiki. I'm guessing these characters aren't really that openly distinguished. Hitch seems like the only one to have a genuine personality. Zipp seems more like they wanted a Rainbow Dash but didn't want a Rainbow Dash at the same time, so they made her Twilight. 

There's also no innate chemistry in these characters. Seriously, lemme point this out: Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy naturally have oppositional traits, same as Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie and same as Rainbow Dash and Rarity.

These characters were made to be interlinked with one another, and I would say the best episodes usually focus on that interlinking. 

Now what would Zipp and Hitchblazer, er, Hitchtrail, er, Hitch Trailblazer (yes I literally did question his name twice that wasn't a stupid joke really) do with Zipp Storm. They're just two people, who are both probably the most masculine ones. But what bounces off about them? Where's the friction? Where's the alliance? 

If I said, "I'm going to have a country girl who likes to get dirty be with a prissy fashionista", you can imagine several plots naturally. They could get in a dispute about cleanliness. They could talk about being spoiled. They could talk about beauty. 

If I said, "I'm going to have a shy flyer with an arrogant best-in-class flightmaster", you can go "oh what if one pushes the other", "what if one teaches the other kindness". 

With Zipp and Hitch, you really have to work harder to make a plot between them. 

"Okay, but, Fluttershy and Twilight don't really have many traits you can latch onto that are oppositional about them". I think that's fair, but there's so many natural links amongst the characters, you might not even notice that, meanwhile in this show, who really goes together? 

Zipp and Pipp at least seem sorta like opposites, you got one into social media, one more into outdoorsmanship. Except, wait, that's not really opposite traits. I guess one might be more serious? 

Also they have a baby dragon named Sparky.

Optimistic Part 5: The History is Mystery!

There's an already inbuilt sense of mystery throughout the show. What happened with Twilight Sparkle and why did the Friendship fail. 

ABSOLUTELY ABOMINABLE PART 5: You Ripped Off MLP

Some of these episodes are literal rip-offs. "The Cutie Mark Mix-Up" is listed as inspired by an episode of MLP, because they both deal with two ponies trading cutie marks and having to figure out who has the harder job. Also apparently, the plot is about Sunny and Hitch. 

Girl, you work at a smoothie shop, and he literally is a sheriff. Have you seen this universe? That goes from arresting ponies to fighting monsters. 

One episode is about a sleepover and already I was like "kinda curious this mimics something from season one". 

Here's another summary:

(So it's all hooves on deck to find Hitch's baby dragon buddy ASAPP — as soon as pony-possible.)

(Izzy invites newcomer Misty to a sleepover with sing-alongs, hoof readings, ponycorn and more!)

 They really want us to know these are ponies. 

There's at least a plot in this however.

Absolutely Optimistic Or Abominably Cynical?

Honestly, I'm interested. 

I'm kinda getting Skylanders vibes from this tbh, and I think this is a netflix series. And Skylanders was, not a good series. 

But on the other hand, there's a lot of traits that seem like they wanna be their own thing while still keeping to the show. There's a unique feel, a unique atmosphere that is rare amongst shows in general in my opinion. 

The fantasy, honestly, brings me back to Neopets. Everything has a flavor. I'm not too sure if the characters will be as interesting, and to be fair, maybe not even the plot. This might not even be well-written in general.

What wins out will only remain to be seen. I guess all I can say is, "Eh, why not."

Proto-N:Era

I've got a draft of N:Era from 11/18/2019. I guess this dates back N:Era, Call of the Wild, to at least that date. I figure, adjusting for the amount of time to prep the main base, that N:Era could be as old as 2018, if not 2017. 

Anyway, I thought I'd review this, and tell you better how to write stories, and choices I made along the way. For purposes of readability, despite the text being left-aligned, the text will now be center-aligned.

(Slaughterhound Studios Presents:

Call of the Wild

A N:ERA Novella

Chapter 1:

The dire hyena skulked. The meadow showed a trail of trampled grass, leading up to her location. Following this maze of greenery was her best friend, Ahmond, the coywolf. Tall grass led way to the clearing right before the woods.

The woods, obviously, were not to be played in, otherwise their parents, older siblings, or other guardian figures, may inflict punishment. Colloquially known as an "ass-whooping". It was avoided as often as it could.

Some sat at stumps, playing card games. Their draconic blood allowed them to manipulate their digits almost like fingers, so they had the same wrist dexterity as any bipedal would. Not that they were bipedal, though it wouldn't be too hard to adopt such a stance with such powerful bodies.

Several of the children looked at Lilu, and some bowed. The perks of royalty. Or at least, being royalty in one of the city states of Wysdom. The main one was her other major friend, Rosod, the Crimson. Crimsons were a species native of Voto. Bipedal creatures, with a mustelid's head. They had the rounded ears, and padded hands and feet.

 So, this is the first part of N:Era, and possibly the first few paragraphs wrote. Already, there's a lot of exposition that can be off-putting and a sledge to get through if you hammer this all in right now. "Maze of greenery" is quite the, ahem, exaggeration. This implies the grass is so tall that no one can see, and that's why we need Ahmond to work her way through the aforementioned "maze". This might have been the original intent, but still reads weird to me now. 

In the 2nd paragraph, the last line is really something. What was avoided as often as possible, the ass-whoopings or the woods? You can't see the spanking for the trees. 

Draconic blood gets dropped later, somewhat, but the word "bipedal" appears twice. Using the same word several times in a paragraph quickly makes that paragraph seem repetitive and breaks flow. Nextly, is the mention of Voto, and the city-states of Wysdom. So apparently, all the kingdoms were formerly just gonna be city-states, and that makes sense. 

There's so much exposition that we know nothing ironically. Now there's even more questions. What's Voto? Are we on Voto? Why mention Crimsons are native to Voto, unless we're not native on Voto? Is Voto a planet? 

The lanky creature walked over to her. "Lilu, it's so nice to see you today."

"My life sucks!" Lilu said as she slumped down at a table.

Rosod glanced at Ahmond and asked, "Is she still butthurt about what happened?"

"You mean about the tournament? Nah, I'd say she's doing quite fine by her standards."

"By other people's standards?"

"Nah, she butthurt." Rosod laughed and Ahmond laughed with.

Lilu said, "It's not funny! I work hard, I study. I have uncovered every single card in the game, mathed out formulas, and done anything I could."

"You netdecked, sista," Rosod said. "That's one of the laziest things you can do."

"Netdecked one of the best," Lilu said.

Ahmond said, "But at the same time, you do know that it won't work?"

"Are you going to tell me some kind of crap about how I have to 'find my own way'?" In her quotation she emphasized by placed her paws on her cheeks, elbows on ground, raising voice to a helium high.

 

Alright, so a bit to unpack here as well. Firstly, I can somewhat tell what I was interested in while writing, so that's amusing. Nextly, Ahmond probably wouldn't mock Lilu in later variations, or even in this variation. 

Netdecking, by the way, refers to the idea of copying someone else's deck in a card game. I don't actually really dislike netdeckers, so the intent wasn't to mock them, but to have the characters mock them, but I guess implicitly that's mocking netdecks, so . . . yeah, that's unfortunate. 

The last paragraph reads awkwardly, and part of this is that we are only told she spoke in a "helium high" after reading the quote. Now you have to re-read the quote! And we don't need full stage directions on her putting her elbows on the ground. "Raising voice to a helium high" also is awkward. 

Rosod said, "Why would it work for you? You have a different playing style than the person you're copying."

Lilu shrugged their ideas off. Maybe netdecked wasn't always the best answer. It only meant taking somebody else's deck and copying it card for card. The deck obviously needed some finetuning, but she had to finetune it herself.

"Anyway," Rosod said, "do you want to play a round?" She brought out a deck of cards that had "Towers" on it. 

Lilu considered it. But the last loss was pretty crushing considering she only got top eight. Top eight wasn't sufficient. She was to be the winner, the champion. But she lost in the dracoling division.

That meant young dire division. She got beaten by a bunch of kids.

She was a kid too, granted. But not that much of a kid. She was already thirty. Which, on Voto, meant...  one-hundred, eighty six days a year, 26 hours a day... She had been alive for quite a bit.

Within the next twenty years she'd be an adult. 

But maybe the only way to gain confidence again was to beat somebody at the game again. Her win loss record by the wilds was possibly the best. This was where everybody congregated, and almost thirty of her peers were at. She had a record of 25 - 7 - 2 - 2. So only seven had ever bested her, out of twenty five.

But that win column could be so much bigger. And that loss column could be so much smaller.

This game had only come out a few years prior, and she was falling behind. She played maybe one game a week, on the sixth and final day of the week. That was the only time when anybody was playing. For some reason that's when tradition said they would play the game officially. Not that people didn't play at other times, it simply wasn't recorded.

Rosod would be a good challenge, and a good proving grounds. 9 - 2 record. Lilu was the first one to stain her unbeaten streak of seven. Then Rosod had gotten a win. Then they both had a time limit draw.

So it was a best of four series. Lilu finally decided, "Rosod, you're on."

Rosod said, "Cool."

"Problem, I didn't bring a deck."

Ahmond said, "You can borrow mine." She took out her bag, and placed a deck of cards. "Besides, it'd be cool to see if you can win with mine."

"You can't win with yours," Rosod said, taking a potshot. Ahmond's ears lowered, and Rosod said, "Sorry, I didn't think-"

Hm, I think I'm understanding the potshots at netdeckers more now, but that cripples the actual message. The intent isn't "copying is bad" but that you have to understand why copying won't make you perfect and adjusting. But Lilu already plays by the beat of her own drum. Why would she netdeck? 

I also see the remnants of where Voto and Vytyl were supposed to have different yearly cycles. However, I scrapped that because that was very, um, hard to math out. 

9 - 2 record implies that Lilu won nine, lost two against Rosod. Or the other way around. Does not imply Rosod has a record of 9-2. And even if she does, that's nowhere near as impressive as a record of 25 - 7. 

The explanation of when people play is so weird and unnecessary. Just say that everyone only played on weekends. We can math out the rest, because we know what weekends are like, and why people don't play on other days. 

Also why is Rosod apologizing? She doesn't care about Ahmond's feelings. She doesn't even care about her own half the time. If she did, she wouldn't be straight A-student five times running, and two times walking! 

"Gotcha," Ahmond said with a grin.

Lilu laughed, and Rosod flipped her a finger she wouldn't have flipped had their been parents nearby. "Let's crack open the game."

There were only three stumps to play the game, but nobody was in the mood for playing. So the judge came over, a blue lion, and watched.

"This match will be for fifteen rounds," the lion announced. It was a slow day, so it didn't seem necessary to Lilu to have a time limit, but it wasn't her call. "Do you want a special time of match?"

"Standard," Lilu said.

"This match will start off with both have 30 life. They can win by taking down the opponent's life, by automatic win condition, by surrender, by deckout, or by disqualification. Lilu will be the first to go." He talked about their records, and the game started.

Lilu was feeling her groove coming back, particularly when she drew her seven cards. She was going to win this game, and for that Summer tournament win was going to be hers. She knew that it was going to happen. All she had to do was prove first that she was better than Rosod right now. She took her first turn.

*

Rosod smoked her. It was quite literally the most embarrassing loss she ever had. 29 - 0 in the health department. "Stupid deck," she growled at Ahmond's cards.

Ahmond said, "Maybe you simply suck." Ahmond stuck her tongue out at Lilu.

Lilu said, "Maybe your deck simply sucks!"

"Girls," Rosod said as she stepped between the two. "There's only one way to settle this. You two throw down next week, and we see who's the actual better of you two."

"I can deal with that," Ahmond said.

Lilu couldn't believe her loss streak was already at two. She never lost two in a row. One in a row, maybe, but two?

Night was already falling. Lilu had to admit, she did come late, but after only six rounds of playing? "We've got to get home now," Rosod said, interrupting her thoughts.

Lilu rolled onto her back, staring up at the purpleness. "You can go on ahead."

Ahmond said, "We're not leaving your mopey little butt behind again. But we've got only an hour left at most."

"Thirty minutes," Lilu said. "The teleporter will take you back." 

Now we're getting to the main event. Ahmond teasing someone really doesn't seem like an Ahmond thing to do. However, this does make this clearer how Lilu is apparently championship worthy, a thought that is lost in the official version. 

Staring up at the purpleness feels weirder now. Like, that's supposed to be the sun but with how many details and exposition of this world we're getting, the sky might genuinely just be purple. 

I'm also somewhat surprised how Magic also had 30 life. I can't help but think that's gotta be coincidence as I wasn't playing Magic by that point. 

Ahmond said, "Lilu, everybody else is leaving already. "

"I don't want to go back home, it's too much pressure to succeed."

Ahmond glanced at Rosod, and she glanced back. Lilu didn't care much about what the two were thinking, she wanted to be left alone now.

"Okay, so you're going to sit here, in the dark and the cold, then what," Ahmond asked.

"Sit here in the dark and in the cold," Lilu said. She stood up. "Maybe I'm going to run into the woods, and see what actually happens."

"You lose one game," Ahmond said. "Two games, fine, but seriously, you're going to run away and go amongst the Wildborn because you have too much pride?"

"It's more than that." Lilu stood up on the log. "For my entire life, I was told I was the princess. I was told I was perfect the way I was. But if that's the truth, then why is everybody different if they're all supposedly perfect? We're all equal? Hardly, you don't think yourself as equal as a serial killer or as equal as somebody who saved the world."

Ahmond sat down, ears folding back. "So you think you're inequal? You're not bad for losing a simple game, you know."

Lilu said, "For an hour, every day, for a month I've studied this game. So why do I still suck so bad at it? It's more than this game, I should be dominating every competition we hold by the creek, and I don't. I should be getting third, second, or first place medals. But I don't."

"Forget you," Ahmond said as she turned to walk away. She paused in her tracks. "Come on, Rosod."

But Rosod shook her head. "I'm not leaving her behind, and maybe she's right in a way." Ahmond blinked a few times.

"Not a chance," Ahmond said. "She's simply talking wild because she's all butthurt about a tournament. Go ahead and run away. See you tomorrow." It wasn't actually that cold, because Lilu threatened to run away quite literally once a week.

She lost a game? She was going to run away. She tripped up and accidentally mooned everybody? She was going to run away. She threatened to run away and got called out? She was going to run away. She failed at running away? Bet your sweet candy ass she was running away.

But several paces in, Lilu said, "Only for a day."

"I'd get in major trouble," Ahmond said. She wasn't sure why she was entertaining Lilu's voice, it was only enabling her. But still, it was a tempting idea.

Lilu said, "Let's simply go into the woods, and if we 'accidentally' get lost, our parents can't get mad at us."

Okay, penultimate page. This just feels so much ruder of Ahmond then what we get later, that I'm beginning to suspect she was meant to be an entirely different character. Like a dumb jerk instead of a precious puffball. But that's quickly defeated by Ahmond being the one to comfort her.

"Wasn't actually that cold" - yes that is. Like, man. 

I do like the talk Lilu has with the other two about equality. What actually makes people equal, and is that just a trendy buzzword, or is that more about equal in talents? 

"We're not supposed to go there anyway," Ahmond said.

Lilu jumped down from the log, and went closer to the woods. She got to the edge, and stuck a paw right over the border. She took the paw back, and put the other paw out. Then she jumped over the edge, did a jig, and jumped back over.

"Seems like I'm not getting into any trouble," Lilu said, grinning.

Ahmond went over to the edge. She was tempted to slap Lilu, but she wanted to experiment. She put her paw over the line demarcating the border, and felt a shiver run down her spine. It was wild. 

Her brother was pretty lax, and she was staying with him for the week. So it wasn't that bad to try something new for once. "For half an hour," Ahmond decided.

Rosod shrugged, and said, "If we're all doing it, then it's not so wrong. I mean, my parents were probably going to get on my case for something anyway, may as well give them a good reason to."

Lilu said, "Then let's continue our quest."

So . . . Ahmond is still the wimp. Yup, in most drafts, Ahmond was always supposed to be the wimp, and Rosod was supposed to come along to join the wild expedition. Lilu's little act feels somewhat broken up. Definitely not as refined, and part of this is the lack of emotion. She's not testing, not teasing, nothing. She just jumps over. 

Anyway, with all this exposition, ironically the set-up didn't set anything up. We still haven't met Cyras yet, our actual main character. 

Like, cutting out all the extraneous text, we would probably have, at most, two out of the five pages we really do have. The characters aren't well-defined. I, being the author, can tell what the intents were and who the characters were, but right now this story reads as "you're not equal to everyone and you should stop copying others". Ironically those ideas actually seem related when I say them out loud. 

Anyway, Ahmond is just as rude as Rosod. Lilu is just as snobby and aristocratic as smartweasel. Smartweasel is as caring as Ahmond. 

Also there's a lot more language and finger flipping than I feel comfortable with for these characters. Just weird, overall.