Fun fact, I didn't really know I had panic or anxiety attacks growing up. In fact, I wasn't even really aware until the past couple of years, but when I learned about them, I knew I had them.
The thing is is that as a child, I was taught that I was mentally fine. To some extent, I knew this wasn't true. But I knew I at least wasn't as bad as my mom, or Noah. So a lot of time, any time I was having a "bad day", wasn't really the same as other people in my family having a bad day, though to be honest, sometimes I think I was just not a swamp creature about everything.
So, basically, when I had anxiety attacks, I was essentially told "I was going through something" or "we like you to be you - happy".
So anyway, I guess that's not what this really is about, but about time I tell you what these are from what I've experienced. Unfortunately, webMD is great at telling you signs and symptoms, they can't tell you, however, how that feels. So here's how that feels.
Anxiety Attack - An anxiety attack is kinda like, imagine you're listening to music, talking to friends, doing art a little bit. Then suddenly, the music gets louder for no apparent reason, your friends' questions are almost infuriating, and art is ten times harder. That's an anxiety attack, a system overload, you get taken out.
Anxiety attacks can happen nearly any time. You can even theoretically be in a "calm situation". I had one a few hours ago. I wasn't doing much but talking with Kie, I think listening to a song, when suddenly I couldn't bear the song anymore and I couldn't even focus on what Kie was saying. I wasn't feeling very well, not quite a headache, but more like a general upset like I wanted to cry or shout.
Within five minutes, I logged off, went outside in the cold chilling wind for half an hour, then went to sleep.
These . . . aren't rare. I've rarely gotten to the stage of actually crying or shouting (I suppose that's been "trained" out of me), but there's definitely the impulse.
Anyway, I actually put down an anxiety attack in N:Era, where Cyras clearly has one. Let's go over:
(Then, Cyras saw Rosod poking at bushes, inspecting grates. She couldn't filter her family out, nor Owlis and the Ender of Happiness. The talks fused together.
"You see, I calmly told Lilu that I was wondering if she ever thought about her weight."
"Owlis is always snippy, like what's her major problem, I think she gets off on treating others poorly."
"But that girl, I swear, that girl acted like nothing you've ever seen. She yelled at me and freaked out on me. That is MY child,"
"She wouldn't let us act like that when we were kids, Bhrook."
"-and she's the one who ran away from home. She doesn't think I ever wished I could run away from her."
"Uh-huh, yes Jazmyn."
Why can't anybody here shut up, Cyras thought.)
So yeah, that's basically an actual thing. I've been watching television, and like, there's two talks going on at once between people and suddenly I'm like, "I just wanna hear the damn television" in my head.
(Pupils narrowed, she ran down the tree. Pause. Should she stay up and watch Rosod, no Rosod's a big girl, she can handle herself. She'll find her, not the other way around. But maybe Cyras should stay on the tree and scout.)
Yup. So basically, sometimes, there's this level of franticity. That need to be doing something but be like, gotta do something else.
(Screaming internally, Cyras burst towards the pond, some people nearly jumping back.
In retrospect, I could have phrased that as "from the top instead of the sides", but yes, I've done that with a chicken patty before. People were walking down the hallway in front of my room several times, I dunno what was going on, and that just really bothered me. I'm always on edge when someone walks down the hallway. Anyway, so I go out, and pick up the chicken patty, and I can't feel like eating like normal, so I bit the top of the chicken patty and tore in like that in rage.
The shouting internally is important. A lot of people think this is very visible. A lot of times, you can be talking with someone suffering one and not even know.
(No chewing. Swallow and then she took a few angry pants and took a proper bite out of the sides. And also, she simply dropped some cookies, knowing she would eat them later.
The pond was secluded with no one near except for some fish. Lilies and poppies that filtered water quality and added some privacy. Good, Cyras was hungry. She lapped up some water before she jumped and immersed herself.)
If you notice, the text gets a bit choppier. That's sorta the thoughts you have. Pretty quick and you need to do some "self-soothing" to get back to normal. Some people don't have "self-soothing" traits, they don't have that ability to talk themselves down from anxiety.
I can't really say how to end one, I don't think you can. I think the best you can do is lock yourself up and away and not talk to anybody for the time being.
So what's a panic attack?
A panic attack is basically like this: One time I was on the opposite side of the block of my home street, when I felt something in my chest. I was having a harder time breathing, my legs were shaking and trembling, and I wasn't sure I could even move. I thought I was going to die before I even got to my house.
That was my goal, was getting to my house. I was clearly going through something.
Now this wasn't the first time that had happened but I think I was in a better place at that point, and just assumed I was having breathing troubles. But I managed to get home.
"Well that sounds like a panic attack?"
"What seriously, I'm not dying?"
"No."
So then I shrugged that off and went back to life since panic attacks ran in the family.
One point, I was in bed, and suddenly, had a hard time breathing. I realized this must have been a panic attack and tried calming breathing. Fun fact, your heart will still beat 180 times a minute anyway. But I basically made up a Yugioh duel between Yugi and Kaiba in my head, a theoretical one (like we havent' seen them play 1000 times) and fell asleep.
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